Japan is not a trouble free society. Having taught there for 8 years, I have witnessed many problems in the country. But to my surprise, I found that compulsive eating, obesity, and serious drug addiction are not nearly as common there as here in America. I began to understand the roots of this strange difference when I taught classes there on Emotional Clearing, that is, rebuilding the traumas and neglect of childhood by creating a new inner family
Many of my Japanese students were shocked, even irate, at the idea of releasing ones birth parents to find new ones.
That's a response I rarely get in this country. At first I thought this might just be a residue of the Confucian doctrine of unquestioned reverence for the family and the ancestors. Turns out it was much different. I had the opportunity to listen closely to my student's issues, and even to perform lots of hypnosis sessions. It became clear to me that within Japanese society, parents are not only loved and cherished by their children.
Japanese parents also spend their lives honoring and respecting their children in a way rarely seen in America.
Everywhere I went in Japan I saw mothers holding their children in their arms. The stroller was for the diaper bag. I see them speaking kindly to their children, and listening. Many of my Japanese students shared with me how even as they reached adolescence and adulthood, their parents continued to honor and appreciate them. So when parents get old, they are welcomed into the homes of their children. To the Japanese, it is barbaric and cruel to send parents off to a nursing home and then rarely visit (An American tradition they are quite aware of. And it does seem barbaric, until you discover...)
Now let's cut to American parents. We know that many Americans consider their right to own assault rifles and to be millionaires in congress to be clearly more important than the lives of their children. That much the heroic survivors of the Florida shootings have made clear to all of us. In fact it seems millions of Americans would rather attack these brave child survivors than listen to any pain they feel, or truth they may tell. But that monstrous abuse is only the tip of the iceberg in our treatment of our children...
When I was gathered with the family at my father's deathbed, he had a message for all three of us kids:
"I'm disappointed. I must have done something wrong that all of my children are failures."
So what were we? Drug addicts? Criminals? Not exactly. All three of us children were educators. Senior professors who were leaders in our respective fields, with numerous awards and international reputations. That's who we really were. But we were failures to my father because we did not fulfill his expectations.
One client had 45 years as a successful hospital nurse in which she rose to the top of her profession, and was revered by thousands of grateful patients for her tender care. But she was told by her mother repeatedly and even on her death bed that she was stupid for wasting her life on nursing!
Over and over I hear the same story from my clients about parents who have no confidence, respect, or even belief in their children. But if you are still skeptical, this should make it clear:
When my son was 14 I was apologizing to him for some mistake I had made. He threw this at me in response:
"Dad, you are the best parent of anyone I know! "
Shocked, I asked what made him think that. His response?
"Because you respect all of my teenage friends. You listen to us. You treat us like adults. None of my friend's parents do that!" My son had a very large circle of friends. None is a big word.
I wish I could say that Santa Rosa California is some crazy Republican outpost for arrogant and critical parenting. But my experience is after 40 years of doing hypnotherapy all over this country that it is not. Half the reason for today's rebellious youth (a phenomena relatively unknown in Japan) is because parents would rather ridicule and shame their children than actually listen to them. I know my parents and their friends did this to us kids almost every day in North Carolina. It happens all over America.
Now we see that same thing in the conservative media response all over this country to the young heroes from Florida, which is to humiliate and shame those children who have been forced to endure the deaths of their closest friends in a horrific massacre. Even falsely labeling them "crisis actors"paid to demonstate and brainwashed by George Soros. Fox news couldn't get away with this horrible abuse except in a culture that routinely attempts to silence "stupid teenagers".
The Japanese, for sure, would not tolerate such public and ugly abuse from their media directed to their innocent, and often wise, children. Only in America.
How does this relate to America's escalating problem with addiction, depression, and anxiety?
Sigmund Freud realized 100 years ago that childhood experiences of love, safety, and nurturing are essential for us to grow up as healthy, happy, and well adjusted adults. But that isn't what American children get. There certainly are exceptions, thank God, but for most of us, we are fed a diet of neglect, abuse, and criticism from an early age. Then in our utter despair we turn to food, drugs, alcohol, and other addictions to fill the black hoe in our bellies, that our parents were supposed to fill with their love. Haunted by these negative messages and unresolved pains we seek any pain killer we can find, whether it is alcohol, opiates, or food.
Through emotional clearing therapy, we can place in the subconscious mind new memories with new loving parents who can finally give us the help we need. We can train you to discover these inner parents and build a new childhood with their help. 24/7 365 days a year free of charge. And we can link these new joyous experiences to every time you crave those cookies, or that drink, and every time you feel that lonely blackness of depression or anxiety sneaking up on you. We can even use hypnosis to link these new parents to every difficult encounter with one of your birth family members.
If you are ready to help yourself and your friends and family to overcome the depression, anxiety, and consequent addictive behaviors that are epidemic in our culture, you can begin to discover your inner family and use their power to overcome these problems in three ways:
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A Blog By David Quigley and Contributions By others