WHAT A LOVING MOTHER DOES AND WHY WE NEED ONE
By David Quigley
Many clients are amazed by the power of their inner parents, as discovered in the Alchemy process, to heal their bodies and their emotions through the simple daily practice of being with her. In this article I will define the ways in which a loving inner mother helps our body and soul recover from pain, illness, and addiction. I will also describe some simple ways that we can experience this mother in daily meditation. My new inner mother saved my life from suicidal depression, drug addiction, and crippling rheumatoid arthritis. What will your inner mother do for you?
But first let me define the concept of the inner mother. The inner mother is an archetype that the Alchemical Hypnosis Practitioner calls upon to help clients heal the wounds caused by inadequate mothering during the early formative years of childhood. The client may wish to fire or retire their original mother and replace her with a new, divine or angelic mother from the inner world. She is found by taking a hypnotic journey into the collective unconscious. Or the client may wish to keep their original mother as an internal spiritual resource and give her another chance to love and nurture their inner child. The details of this process, including the essential tests of this new or rehabilitated mother, are outlined in my textbook Alchemical Hypnotherapy: A Manual of Practical Technique.
So why exactly do we need an inner mother in today’s world? Western civilization has brought enormous changes to the world and the culture we live in. Although many of these changes have been improvements, the nurturing and care of our youngest children has become a casualty of our fast paced life of personal freedom and ambition, material indulgence, and high tech gadgetry. Let us examine this pattern from the perspective of our primitive tribal ancestors.
In tribal society, where humans emerged as a species from our ape ancestors, it is estimated that at least 40% of our time was spent caring for our children. This was regarded as the most important work of the tribe, preparing the next generation with the tools to preserve the tribe’s future. From the moment a child was born, a circle of rituals and celebrations surrounded the new mother and her baby with a loving and supportive family. The baby was carried on mother’s body, and held and played with by everyone in the tribe. The child was routinely nursed on demand, perhaps until they reached five years old. This loving attention provided the growing child with self esteem, a sense of belonging, and the happiness necessary for healthy maturation.
Today in North America, in contrast, a mother often lives in lonely isolation, caring for her baby independently in an empty apartment. She may be forced by financial necessity or by the demands of her career track to send her infant off to the care of an impersonal nanny or institutionalized day care. While careers and creative activities are glorified in our media, the most important creative act of our species is often regarded as a menial job to farm out to someone else or, at best, a burden to be carried until we can be free to pursue more “important” activities. Even the precious process of childbirth has been reduced to a painful medical procedure, 32% of these ending with a caesarian section in 2007. And the joyous bonding ritual of nursing, one of the greatest pleasures our human body provides as well as being a critical source of nurturing for every human child, is nowadays reduced to a bottle filled with inhuman formula.
It is no wonder that post partum depression is epidemic. It is no wonder that more and more women are choosing to go childless in order to fulfill their own personal ambitions. And so it’s no wonder that human populations are crashing throughout the “civilized” world. It is only the vast influx of refugees from the third world that is keeping these countries’ populations from completely crashing. (This population collapse is well documented in census reports.)
It is a disconnected society obsessed with financial gain, convenience and personal ambition that has destroyed the value and pleasures of motherhood and the joys of family life for many. The solution to this problem lies with concerted political action. But I would like to point out the price that we are paying in health and happiness for this terrible loss. Then I will show how the inner mother work of Alchemical Hypnotherapy can help solve these problems.
One of the first things a mother gives her new born infant is a sense of belonging to someone. Indeed before a child can feel that he belongs to this world, he needs to belong to mom. When the ritual of nursing is missed, this bonding is destroyed. And for this loss, we are all paying the price. The life long consequences of this failure are as follows:
Now reexamine the list. I wonder if there is any family in America today that is not riddled with the problems listed above. What can be done? Well, the pharmaceutical industry is developing many toxic, addictive, and expensive drugs to fill the gap left by mother’s absence. Insulin, antidepressants, steroids, antihistamines, painkillers, anti-anxiety, and immunosuppressant medications… and then there are all the extra drugs you need in order to control the nasty side effects of these drugs. That is one option.
Or you can spend years in talk therapy with a licensed therapist: Talking about your pain; Talking about your feelings about your mother; Talking about your depression, the lack of intimacy in your life, etc. Good luck with that. At least it is nice to talk to someone.
Or you could find a loving mother in your inner world with a trained alchemical hypnotherapist. You could be trained to utilize this wonderful resource every day and night to cuddle and love your inner child, restoring your capacity to live like a happy human being, and solve this host of health problems.
Evelyn came to me at 78 years old with a diagnosis of terminal emphysema, dragging a portable oxygen tank into my office. Her doctor had given her 6 months to live. She asked me if hypnosis could help her condition. I was frankly skeptical since emphysema is, I thought, an incurable disease. When we went into trance I instructed her to go to the time when the disease first entered her body. She went back to her birth. She began to strangle on the umbilical chord, and told me it was her wish to die this way, since she knew her mother didn’t want her. I immediately suggested a womb transplant operation, in which we would place this fetus in the womb of a new mother who really wanted her. She agreed. As she curled up into a fetal ball on my therapy couch, I instructed her to pull out her mother’s umbilical chord, and then I used the power of hypnotic suggestion to give her a brand new experience of being held in a loving mother’s womb. After nine months of this joyous experience (Completed in about 20 minutes of trance time thanks to the miracle of hypnotic time distortion) she physically wriggled out of mother’s womb and was held in her arms. I then suggested that she “…take a nice deep breath with your brand new lungs.” She did. In fact, she later told me it was the deepest breath she had ever taken. Later we went back to many other memories of her dysfunctional childhood. Each time, her new mother showed up to save the day. Then we once again breathed this new experience of mothering into her lungs.
The result? Evelyn left my office to check in with her doctor and return her oxygen tank. She went hiking in the mountains with her grandchildren that very weekend, after her doctors determined she was emphysema free. Five years later she called my office to discuss some hypnosis products she was developing, still hiking every weekend, still symptom free. I asked her, “What is your secret?” She responded, “You know, David! I do like you taught me. I wake up every morning in the arms of my new inner mother.”
A loving inner mother bonds, connects, nurtures and provides a foundation of unconditional love. She teaches us to forgive, have compassion and to live in unconditional love for others. The inner mother reminds you of your values, and values you. You can count on her for support, for strength, for a moral compass and to know what is best for you. Her nurturing presence is a calm and loving sanctuary. She understands. Having a daily ongoing dialogue with the inner mother, upon opening your eyes in the morning, throughout the day and when closing your eyes to sleep, you will never again feel lonely. You are loved and protected.
Many clients are amazed by the power of their inner parents, as discovered in the Alchemy process, to heal their bodies and their emotions through the simple daily practice of being with her. In this article I will define the ways in which a loving inner mother helps our body and soul recover from pain, illness, and addiction. I will also describe some simple ways that we can experience this mother in daily meditation. My new inner mother saved my life from suicidal depression, drug addiction, and crippling rheumatoid arthritis. What will your inner mother do for you?
But first let me define the concept of the inner mother. The inner mother is an archetype that the Alchemical Hypnosis Practitioner calls upon to help clients heal the wounds caused by inadequate mothering during the early formative years of childhood. The client may wish to fire or retire their original mother and replace her with a new, divine or angelic mother from the inner world. She is found by taking a hypnotic journey into the collective unconscious. Or the client may wish to keep their original mother as an internal spiritual resource and give her another chance to love and nurture their inner child. The details of this process, including the essential tests of this new or rehabilitated mother, are outlined in my textbook Alchemical Hypnotherapy: A Manual of Practical Technique.
So why exactly do we need an inner mother in today’s world? Western civilization has brought enormous changes to the world and the culture we live in. Although many of these changes have been improvements, the nurturing and care of our youngest children has become a casualty of our fast paced life of personal freedom and ambition, material indulgence, and high tech gadgetry. Let us examine this pattern from the perspective of our primitive tribal ancestors.
In tribal society, where humans emerged as a species from our ape ancestors, it is estimated that at least 40% of our time was spent caring for our children. This was regarded as the most important work of the tribe, preparing the next generation with the tools to preserve the tribe’s future. From the moment a child was born, a circle of rituals and celebrations surrounded the new mother and her baby with a loving and supportive family. The baby was carried on mother’s body, and held and played with by everyone in the tribe. The child was routinely nursed on demand, perhaps until they reached five years old. This loving attention provided the growing child with self esteem, a sense of belonging, and the happiness necessary for healthy maturation.
Today in North America, in contrast, a mother often lives in lonely isolation, caring for her baby independently in an empty apartment. She may be forced by financial necessity or by the demands of her career track to send her infant off to the care of an impersonal nanny or institutionalized day care. While careers and creative activities are glorified in our media, the most important creative act of our species is often regarded as a menial job to farm out to someone else or, at best, a burden to be carried until we can be free to pursue more “important” activities. Even the precious process of childbirth has been reduced to a painful medical procedure, 32% of these ending with a caesarian section in 2007. And the joyous bonding ritual of nursing, one of the greatest pleasures our human body provides as well as being a critical source of nurturing for every human child, is nowadays reduced to a bottle filled with inhuman formula.
It is no wonder that post partum depression is epidemic. It is no wonder that more and more women are choosing to go childless in order to fulfill their own personal ambitions. And so it’s no wonder that human populations are crashing throughout the “civilized” world. It is only the vast influx of refugees from the third world that is keeping these countries’ populations from completely crashing. (This population collapse is well documented in census reports.)
It is a disconnected society obsessed with financial gain, convenience and personal ambition that has destroyed the value and pleasures of motherhood and the joys of family life for many. The solution to this problem lies with concerted political action. But I would like to point out the price that we are paying in health and happiness for this terrible loss. Then I will show how the inner mother work of Alchemical Hypnotherapy can help solve these problems.
One of the first things a mother gives her new born infant is a sense of belonging to someone. Indeed before a child can feel that he belongs to this world, he needs to belong to mom. When the ritual of nursing is missed, this bonding is destroyed. And for this loss, we are all paying the price. The life long consequences of this failure are as follows:
- Depression affects millions of Americans. The pharmaceutical industry has attempted to describe depression as a mental illness caused by a shortage of brain chemicals. There is no scientific evidence of this. None. But it is well documented that when children are denied bonding at an early age they suffer severe depression that is often life long. This has been demonstrated in research with human and animal trials.
- Anxiety is a major lifelong consequence of this failure that also affects millions. Anxiety control medications don’t solve it. And most of the drugs developed to treat anxiety are addictive and dangerous.
- Allergies and autoimmune disorders are another serious consequence of this failure. Scientists have long known that the mother’s colostrum (the first fluid from her breasts) is essential to help the infant’s immune system prepare itself for the microbes, foods, and pollens that surround the baby’s body. Without these chemical messages from mother’s body, the child’s developing immune system is adrift, lost. The exploding rates of food allergies, pollen and mould allergies, the skyrocketing rates of childhood asthma and a host of other autoimmune diseases among both children and adults, are all linked to this lost ritual of bonding.
- Loneliness is another price we pay every day. Loneliness is a biological signal motivating us to correct something that humans need for survival. We need quality relationships. Studies show that loneliness can be harmful to both mental and physical health, leading to depression, high blood pressure, increases in the stress hormone cortisol, and compromised immunity. Leading scholars report now that 1 in 5 Americans experience loneliness. This statistic represents an epidemic. Failure to experience a critical maternal bond early in life seriously compromises our ability to form loving bonds as an adult. I have worked with hundreds of clients, men and women, who complain that they cannot seem to stay committed to a relationship beyond the initial stage of sexual attraction. Dozens of books have been written about individuals who are unable to commit. Most of these books lament this terrible state of affairs, offering advice on how to recognize and avoid the emotional vampire who comes across as so charming and so loving at first, only to withdraw at the first whiff of the commitment they are unable to accept. Yet none of these writers are willing to point out the obvious questions: How did they fail to learn about the ecstatic joys of committed love? And how can such damaged people get help? I believe a mother’s love can solve this epidemic.
- A number of physical illnesses have their source in this lack of mother bond. In 30 years of working with clients to clear the underlying causes of disease, I have repeatedly found that infant bonding issues are associated with asthma, emphysema, chronic bronchitis, reproductive illnesses, and numerous cancers, especially those of the breast.
- Drug and alcohol addiction are often directly linked to lack of infant bonding. Ask a drug addict what is the problem that causes them to use and the answer is often that they feel a deep emptiness inside. They feel that at the deepest level they are not lovable; they feel worthless, unwanted. These feelings are the direct result in many cases of their early experience of mother’s rejection.
- Obesity and eating disorders are nearly always connected to this lack of mothering. This should come as no surprise, since it is at mother’s breast that we should learn the pleasures of eating. Instead, it is with our lonely bottle that we learn to guzzle our sweet formula, filling our bellies as fast as possible so as to escape the terrible loneliness of this experience. It would be an understatement to describe obesity as an epidemic in our society. In 2010, no state had a prevalence of obesity less than 20%. Thirty-six states had a prevalence of 25% or more; 12 of these states had a prevalence of 30% or more. Now consider that an expanding epidemic of diabetes is rampant our society, a direct result of these maladaptive infant behaviors, and is sweeping the country with a vengeance. All of this because we were persuaded that early childhood care is “unimportant” and infant formula is an “acceptable” alternative to a mother’s precious love.
Now reexamine the list. I wonder if there is any family in America today that is not riddled with the problems listed above. What can be done? Well, the pharmaceutical industry is developing many toxic, addictive, and expensive drugs to fill the gap left by mother’s absence. Insulin, antidepressants, steroids, antihistamines, painkillers, anti-anxiety, and immunosuppressant medications… and then there are all the extra drugs you need in order to control the nasty side effects of these drugs. That is one option.
Or you can spend years in talk therapy with a licensed therapist: Talking about your pain; Talking about your feelings about your mother; Talking about your depression, the lack of intimacy in your life, etc. Good luck with that. At least it is nice to talk to someone.
Or you could find a loving mother in your inner world with a trained alchemical hypnotherapist. You could be trained to utilize this wonderful resource every day and night to cuddle and love your inner child, restoring your capacity to live like a happy human being, and solve this host of health problems.
Evelyn came to me at 78 years old with a diagnosis of terminal emphysema, dragging a portable oxygen tank into my office. Her doctor had given her 6 months to live. She asked me if hypnosis could help her condition. I was frankly skeptical since emphysema is, I thought, an incurable disease. When we went into trance I instructed her to go to the time when the disease first entered her body. She went back to her birth. She began to strangle on the umbilical chord, and told me it was her wish to die this way, since she knew her mother didn’t want her. I immediately suggested a womb transplant operation, in which we would place this fetus in the womb of a new mother who really wanted her. She agreed. As she curled up into a fetal ball on my therapy couch, I instructed her to pull out her mother’s umbilical chord, and then I used the power of hypnotic suggestion to give her a brand new experience of being held in a loving mother’s womb. After nine months of this joyous experience (Completed in about 20 minutes of trance time thanks to the miracle of hypnotic time distortion) she physically wriggled out of mother’s womb and was held in her arms. I then suggested that she “…take a nice deep breath with your brand new lungs.” She did. In fact, she later told me it was the deepest breath she had ever taken. Later we went back to many other memories of her dysfunctional childhood. Each time, her new mother showed up to save the day. Then we once again breathed this new experience of mothering into her lungs.
The result? Evelyn left my office to check in with her doctor and return her oxygen tank. She went hiking in the mountains with her grandchildren that very weekend, after her doctors determined she was emphysema free. Five years later she called my office to discuss some hypnosis products she was developing, still hiking every weekend, still symptom free. I asked her, “What is your secret?” She responded, “You know, David! I do like you taught me. I wake up every morning in the arms of my new inner mother.”
A loving inner mother bonds, connects, nurtures and provides a foundation of unconditional love. She teaches us to forgive, have compassion and to live in unconditional love for others. The inner mother reminds you of your values, and values you. You can count on her for support, for strength, for a moral compass and to know what is best for you. Her nurturing presence is a calm and loving sanctuary. She understands. Having a daily ongoing dialogue with the inner mother, upon opening your eyes in the morning, throughout the day and when closing your eyes to sleep, you will never again feel lonely. You are loved and protected.
